You Are What You Eat

Hey bloggers.

I've been okay lately. I had a couple days of good-girl eating. Then I had a couple days of naughty-girl eating. So today I am trying to get back on track, and I figured blogging would be helpful with that.

I always seem to eat lousy when I stay at my dads place, for a number of reasons. The biggest reason is probably my step moms love of sweets, chocolate and anything high calorie. Its like air to her, I have yet to see her go an entire day without chocolate of some sort. So I am surrounded my junk. Plus, I dont go with for the grocery shopping for thier house, so I dont get to pick much good stuff for them to keep there for me to eat. Just pro-biotic yogurt, thats the only thing they know I like. And I probably also eat shit food there cause I know I cant find out the calories until I get back home to my dads place, so I am just left guessing and even then I usually let myself have to many treats. I swear, my dads place is a fucking bingers heaven.

Ermmmmm my weight. So Monday it was 121 lbs which made me so happy that I let myself eat cupcakes. Yes, plural. I am a very naughty girl. Last night, after a full day of eating almost like a normal person, and not taking a shit in forever (tmi, sorry), I was 125. BLEGH. No, no there is no way cupcakes, only a few, made me gain that much. At most I must be 122 right now. But its hard to say. I need to go lax myself out, starve until I'm clean and empty, and then I can get a true reading. But at least this time its me, not the scale.

I need to get skinny. There is less than five weeks until I being grade twelve, and I NEED to be 115lbs by then. Six or eight pounds is sooooooo possible. Thats less than two pounds a week. I can do that! I need to, because I need a 'woah' when I get back to school. I need to find a boyfriend so I can fall in love and have sex with a boy I love for the very first time on prom night, and then live happily ever after. But in order to trick a boy into liking me, I will need to do more than lose twenty pounds over summer vacation, I need to get more of a tan (what I have now is okayyyy, but...), I need to whiten my teeth until they sparkle, clear the last of this persistant acne off my danm face and I need to learn to sit up straight all the time so I will have lovely abs and lovely posture.

And about the Staples interview, still no word back about the follow up. I called today, because the manager ( there are tree total) who interviewed me is on vacation this week, and the clueless guy I talked to said I will probably hear back when she returns. Ugh. Another week! I need to find out if I have the job asap so I know if I am going with my dad and step mom and baby brother to Washington for a week. People (real life people, that is) keep asking which Washington I am going to. I dont know, but I am pretty sure its the one with Obama and the White House. I dont know. But if I get the job at Staples, I cant go to Washington. Bummerrrrrr.

To those who commented on my last post, A Story I Never Want to Tell, thank you for your kind words. There are too many people out there who have been through that and its scary to know there are so many bad people out there too, who do those kinds of things. But, even though I doubt I will ever be able to tell my parents, I feel as though I can live with this. What happened to me when I was younger was not right and it doesnt at all define me as a person. It is a part of who I am. I appritate your support, that certainly wasnt an easy thing to write and I probably wouldnt have been able to if I didnt think my readers cared to listen. So thank you all so much for your endless love and support for my musings and life.