Back to the matchbox

Oh, I've missed you so much, blogger girls. I wish I could say that in my nearly year-long hiatus from Playing With Fire I have changed in some significant way, physically, but that would be untrue. I come back to this world of girls whispering secrets to the hollows between bones and ropes of muscles because I need your love once again, and I need to offer you mine as well. I'm so sorry I left this cloud in the first place? I return at 125 pounds, and somewhere between 5'4" and 5'5". I got lost this year, in the stress of my last year of high school. In under a month, I will move to a new city and start university as a creative writing major-- hopefully a program that will prepare me to be a published writer one day. I move into my dorm just pounds away from my highest weight, with unnessecary DD's and hips wide enough to comfortably carry the contents of Noah's Arc. My goal: cut off every ounce of fat that jiggles. If that means 115 or 95, that would be my ultimate goal. A lot has changed in my life since I stopped blogging. For one thing, I got a job at a really shitty department store, to which I gave four weeks notice about a week ago. I lost a best friend, who thought it would be a great idea to drop out of high school and never tell me directly, despite our over three years of friendship. I lost another friend, who I unfortunately wasn't as close with, to suicide. I gained three new close friends, whom I am still struggling to share my more private self with: K, P and C. My mother still leaves an empty space where maternal affection should be. My father and I don't fight quite so much, but I still wish we had the closeness we did before his remarriage. My baby step brother is nearing 16 months old now, taking his first steps and brightening my world with every smile. I miss you girls-- if any of you can forgive me for my absence at your blogs, and hear my pleas to rejoin the world of the living-unliving. The silent voice never left. I only ignored her demands and now she is so angry, screaming and stomping that she will not go unheard.