Hey guys. This is my first blog, so I am sorry if its really horrible but I beg you to keep reading while I try to get the hang of this, because I need your support! I am on a mission-- I mission for better hair, a boyfriend and a perfect body. I am tired of having medicore grades and thighs that jiggle; I want to be envied, or at least be less gross.
Today I am 146 calories.
Breakfast= Greek yogurt (37), Special K blueberry (26), fresh blueberries (83).
Lunch will be couscous (44), hard boiled egg (78), spinach (83) and salsa (13).
Lunch: 217
Dinner is going to be a truck load of calories because I am going out with my dad. So if I snack on a small apple (55), that leaves me 581 for greasy restaurant food to stain my inner organs, and I will be 1000 calories for the day.
If I walk for 30 minutes (will probably do more), then my total daily calorie loss is about 1125.
I want to be thin. I need to. I wish I were a puker, because then I wouldnt have to worry about pretending to eat. I could just make it all disappear... disappear like the fat on my thighs, stomach, flabby arms. I want to be magical, like Lia in Wintergirls. I will fly.
My doctor calls it disordered eating. My therapist called it anorexia with bulimic tendencies. My parents don't understand what it is at all. I call it control. I'm a calorie restricter, a laxie addict, a sometimes puker, a sometimes former cutter, a writer, a sister, a fuck-up of a daughter, but I'm never, ever, just me.
Monday, July 4
I am stuck on a carousel, riding in circles and it makes me so dizzy but I can't get off...
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