Empty and Clean

I love waking up in the morning and feeling so empty and clean. There is nothing in my tummy yet, I've only been awake half an hour. It is pink and shiny and happy. My stomach does not want to be filled. But this morning I want to go for an hour long walk/ jog. And that requires fuel. So I will eat:
 

Breakfast			164
Dairy yogurt low-fat fage total 2% greek by Freshdirect	0.5 cup	114g	75
Honey	teaspoon	7g	21
Strawberries frozen unsweetened	0.5 cup, unthawed	75g	26
Blueberries raw	0.5 cup	73g	41

And then I will run until thats all gone, plus some more.

Lunch will be:

Lunch			135
Lettuce green leaf raw	head	360g	54
Cucumber with peel raw	0.25 cucumber (8-1/4")	75g	11
Couscous cooked	0.085 cup, dry, yield	45g	50
Sauce ready-to-serve salsa	2 tablespoon	32g	9
Tomatoes red ripe raw year round average	0.5 medium whole (2-3/5" dia)	62g	11

And I will snack on:

Snacks			39
Strawberries frozen unsweetened	0.5 cup, thawed	111g	39

Until I commute to my grandparents place for dinner. I have descided to change my intake from 1000 calories per day to 700 calories per day, and I MUST excercise for at least an hour, preferably two, each day. So that leaves me with 362 calories to eat dinner with my grandparents. This is incredibly dangerous because the food I will be served there is deffinatly NOT 362 worth of food. More lik. e 600, maybe 700 calories for the whole meal. So I will say I have a tummy ache or my period is making me nauseaus, or, if all else fails, I will ask to be excused to use the computer in the basement after the meal like I always do, and then try my hardest to purge, purge, purge until its all gone. The last option is deffinatly not the best because as many times as I've tried to purge, I just gag and my eyes run and nothing comes up but air. Any advice?

Also, tomorrow I am with my dad and step mom and my 3 month old baby half brother, who I love so, so, so much -- but I am with them all day pretty much. I think I wont stay for dinner, and I could say I ate breakfast at my grandparents place? Or I could come home after dinner tonight (even though its a two hour commute) and then eat my normal breakfast here, get there in time for lunch tomorrow and leave shortly before dinner? My dad and step mom usually go pretty light on the lunch, so if I restrict the rest of the day, I might still make it under 700 calories.

How do you beauties do it? Get away with eating 200 calories a day, or fasting? I wish I had the willpower, and a family that was oblivious. Stupid me for trying to get "help" back in grade nine. I broke down in front of my dad and told him I had eating problems and I just wanted to eat like a normal person. I wanted to pick up a cookie and not think BAM, one-hundred-fifty or something calories. I wanted to stop abusing laxitives because I was puking my brains out every morning because of them. But when he signed me up for therapy, I worked on my daddy issues and some of my mommy issues and none of my older brother issues because that scary and awful and I cant think about it because it makes me sick. But I did not work on my food issues, because really, who wants to? I want to be thin and even at a healthy weight, if I try to get a tiny bit lower on the scale, someone in my life would bite my head off if they knew.

Well, I guess I'll post again before bed with my intake and outtake for the day.
Stay strong xoxox