I am so fucking tired today, but I'm also tired of lying around the house all the time. I think a power walk is in order. It kinda funny, because I used to love to jog, it was like a high for me, but then I started smoking and even though I quit almost a year ago, I never regained the lung capasity to run for more than sixty seconds. Just another reason why I suck at everything in the universe.
So, as you might have possible maybe noticed on the left side of the screen, I have tidied up my goals a little bit, added some rewards and learnt how to edit the HTML to strike through the goals I have already met. I descided that until I am at 120 pounds, my weight will be too pitiful and my weight loss will be so insignificant that I do not deserve goals. Ten down, ten to go-- wait, more goals means fifteen to go? But I'll have higher hopes by the time I get there. Ten down, and whatever it takes to reach perfection is what I have left to go.
Fuck, I love blogging. I really do. I feel like it keeps me literate over summer vacation, so I dont go back to school spelling my own name wrong. And I can express so much more than I ever could in an anablog ( = analog blog/ diary/ journal). So thank you, all four followers I have, for sustaining my existance right now.
Also, I thought maybe now is a good time to explain the wear background I have up. The red beads, nomnomnom, that remind me why I wrote this blog. So if you can relate, make yourself a little red beaded braclet. I cant binge when I have mine on. If you dont know what the hell I'm talking about, Google the meaning of a red beaded braclet. I feel strong. I made mine with three letters on it: NOW. Two meanings: first, 'now', as in do it right now. No other moment but now. The descisions I make NOW will change everything; the second meaning is an aconym: no other way. Because really, there is no other way to acheive perfection than to work for it, to fight for it.
That reminds me of a funny joke. We had a little talent show at the family picnic, and one of the funny uncles told this one: Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity. True, I think? Hahaha.
Well, todays intake is 175. I had half a cup of Honey Nut Cheerios (73), half a cup of plain probiotic yogurt (65) and a quater cup of canned pineapple (37). Not bad, but I am trying to stay under 1000 calories and dinner at my dads place will be bad, so I'm trying to save up about 600 calories for that. So Lunch will be 140 calories or vegetable broth (15), frozen peas and carrots (77), broccoli (31) and spinach (17). I might snack on a peach (38) as well, and maybe treat myself to five almonds (38), leaving me with 608 calories.
OH! And awesome news. I got an appt for the 25th to see my doctor so I can switch to a BC pill that doesnt make me puke my brains out (tmi?) and so I can get some Adderall or Ritalin for my ADHD. I used to be on the stuff before, and I love it because it completely obliterates my appetite, but I had to go off it when my parents found out about the Ana stuff. My mom says my doctor might not let me go back on it, or she might monitor my weight, but Wintergirls taught me how to deal with that problem. So things should be pretty good and easier soon.
If youre reading this, thank you for caring about my stupid life. If you feel like it, maybe drop me a comment below about your favorite reply when people ask if you've lost weight. Hopefully, thats advice I will need in the future :)
Stay strong my lovelies, and start the week well!
xoxox Kay
I used to smoke too and now my lungs are like bags on concrete... It did help keep the appetite down though. I hope the appointment goes well too. A friend told me about the lack of appetite that Ritalin causes, might be good in the long run.
ReplyDeleteWhen people ask me if I've lost weight I tend to tell them that I'm just stressed, a double science degree in university is a bitch. Its either that or that I've been sick. Or both. Anyway, they tend to leave me alone after that.
Stay strong
xx
I also used to smoke! It took a while to get back into jogging, but you really can do it. It is hard as shit though! Good luck hun, it looks like you are doing really well.
ReplyDeleteI used to be on Focalin for my ADHD and since i stopped taking it ive gained 15 lbs... Watching the scale creep up is what is motivating me to resume my less than healthy eating behaviors...
ReplyDelete